I’d like my Heart back please.

I see you, everyday.

I don’t know what I feel, when I look at you. Not love, thats for sure. Maybe curiosity? Maybe wonder? What would happen when you gave me a chance? If you gave me a chance. But still, I see you. When you laugh, your eyes crinkle slightly. When you smile, your whole face softens. When you frown, your hair suddenly becomes messier. I see you, even when you’re looking at another.

You smile at her. Did you know that? Not your usual smile, something….different. Something….sweeter. Lighter. You used to look at me like that , talk to me about anything and everything. Now? Now it’s like I barely know you anymore. Was I a replacement for the one you wanted all along? You look at her, just to find she’s already looking at you back. And me? I was always looking. For a sign maybe. For a hope. A wish. A desperate longing that prays you haven’t forgotten about me.

Silly old me.

Sometimes I look up at the stars, wondering when it all changed. When you changed. Or was it me? Did I change? From waiting for your texts, to barely checking my phone because my heart can only break so many times before it completely shatters.

It was like a switch.

Off. On. Off. On. Off.

Maybe all I need is a conversation. Closure, shall we say. An explanation as to why you trampled my very heart under the sole’s of your Doc Martins. Trample, trample, stomp. Gone.

Sometimes I feel pathetic. You’ve clearly moved on, why cant I? Why am I still stuck in the past? Stupid. I know why. Im still hopelessly clutching the tethered thread connecting us. I just need it to snap. Snap. Then I’ll move on. Just….be gentle with my heart, when you return it bruised and bloody to the pulp. Because maybe someday, I’ll be healed enough to trust someone else. And when I do, I’ll gift them my battered and aching heart, hoping, praying, imploringly begging that they keep it. They cherish it. They guard it, the way you never did.

Btwww- this is what I listened to writing this : use me!! by Olga Myko